soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
