just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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