Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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