He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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