3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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