It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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