I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
