The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
