I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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