If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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