It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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