thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
