dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
