aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
