uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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