Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
