What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
