so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
