Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
