i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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