I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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