What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize