my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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