Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
