So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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