how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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