im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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