tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The best revenge is premature balding
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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