he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
