I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
