U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
