new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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