And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
