How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
