If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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