no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
