The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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