i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
