Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
