grandma shit on top of the toilet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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