god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
