Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
