he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
