i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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