May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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