So drunk its hurt
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
