I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't deserve a penis
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
