why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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