You work out of a Hotel?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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