Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
