she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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