Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
