Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
