So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
