Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
