just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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