i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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