I am puke
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
