Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
