im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
