margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
