we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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