even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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