haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
